Character Education
Informational
Handbook & Guide
20 Strategies
to Help Your Children
Develop Good Character
The following 20 suggestions are
excerpted from Dr. Helen LeGette’s book, Parents, Kids, &
Character: Twenty-one Strategies to Help Your Children Develop Good
Character. She brings to the reader knowledge and experiences from
her highly successful 33-year career as a leader in education—as
a teacher, counselor and administrator. She knows that children who
have limits in the home and parental expectations of good character
have a much greater chance at success in school and in a career. Her
book offers ideas that can be implemented in any family
home.
1. Model good character in the
home. As William Bennett observes in The Book of Virtues, “there
is nothing more influential, more determinant in a child’s life
than the moral power of a quiet example.” It is critically
important that those who are attempting to influence children’s
character in positive ways “walk the talk.”
2. Be clear about your values. Tell
your children where you stand on important issues. Good character is
both taught and caught. If we want children to internalize the
virtues that we value, we need to teach them what we believe and why.
In the daily living of our lives, there are countless opportunities
to engage children in moral conversation.
3. Show respect for your spouse,
your children, and other family members. Parents who honor each
other, who share family responsibilities, and who resolve their
differences in peaceful ways communicate a powerful message about
respect. If children experience respect firsthand within the family,
they are more likely to be respectful of others. Simply stated,
respect begets respect.
4. Model and teach your children
good manners. Insist that all family members use good manners in the
home. Good manners are really the Golden Rule in action. Whether the
issue is courtesy or other simple social graces, it is in the home
that true thoughtfulness for others has its roots.
5. Have family meals together
without television as often as possible. Mealtime is an excellent
time for parents to talk with and listen to their children and to
strengthen family ties. Whether the meal is a home-cooked feast or
fast-food from the drive-through, the most important ingredient is
the sharing time—the time set aside to reinforce a sense of
belonging to and being cared about by the family.
6. Plan as many family activities
as possible. Involve your children in the planning. Family activities
that seem quite ordinary at the moment are often viewed in retrospect
as very special and memorable bits of family history. A dad’s
“date” with a teenage daughter, a family picnic in the
park, or a Sunday excursion for ice cream can provide a meaningful
time for being together and sharing as a family.
7. Don’t provide your children
access to alcohol or drugs. Model appropriate behavior regarding
alcohol and drugs. Despite peer pressure, the anxieties of
adolescence, a youthful desire for sophistication, and media messages
that glamorize the use of drugs and alcohol, the family is the most
powerful influence on whether a young person will become a substance
abuser. Nowhere is the parents’ personal example more critical
than in the area of alcohol and drug use.
8. Plan family service projects or
civic activities. At the heart of good character is a sense of caring
and concern for others. Numerous opportunities for family service
projects exist in every community, and even young children can
participate. Simple acts like taking food to a sick neighbor, mowing
an elderly person’s yard, or collecting outgrown clothes and
toys for charity help youth learn the joys of assisting others and
develop lifelong habits of service.
9. Read to your children and keep
good literature in the home. Great teachers have always used stories
to teach, motivate, and inspire, and reading together is an important
part of passing the moral legacy of our culture from one generation
to another. Children’s questions and comments about the stories
offer parents important insights into their children’s thoughts,
beliefs, and concerns.
10. Limit your children’s
spending money. Help them develop an appreciation for non-material
rewards. In today’s consumerist culture, youth could easily come
to believe that image—wearing the “right” clothes,
driving the “right” car, etc.—represents the path to
success and happiness. Parents can make strong statements about what
they value by the ways in which they allocate their own resources and
how they allow their children to spend the funds entrusted to
them.
11. Discuss the holidays and their
meanings. Have family celebrations and establish family traditions.
Abraham Lincoln observed that participating in national celebrations
causes Americans to feel “more attached the one to the other,
and more firmly bound to the country we inhabit.” Observing
holidays and celebrating family traditions not only develop these
feelings of attachment to and kinship with others, but they also
serve as a special kind of glue that binds us together as human
beings, as family members, and as citizens.
12. Capitalize on the
“teachable moment.” Use situations to spark family
discussions on important issues. Some of the most effective character
education can occur in the ongoing, everyday life of the family. As
parents and children interact with one another and with others
outside the home, there are countless situations that can be used to
teach valuable lessons about responsibility, empathy, kindness, and
compassion.
13. Assign home responsibilities to
all family members. Even though it is often easier to clear the
table, take out the trash, or load the dishwasher ourselves than to
wait for a child to do it, we have an obligation to help children
learn to balance their own needs and wishes against those of other
family members—and ultimately, other members of
society.
14. Set clear expectations for your
children and hold them accountable for their actions. Defining
reasonable limits and enforcing them appropriately establishes the
parents as the moral leaders in the home and provides a sense of
security to children and youth. It also lets them know that you care
enough about them to want them to be—or to become—people of
good character.
15. Keep your children busy in
positive activities. Children and youth have remarkable energy
levels, and the challenge is to channel that energy into positive
activities such as sports, hobbies, music or other forms of the arts,
or church or youth groups like the Scouts. Such activities promote
altruism, caring, and cooperation and also give children a sense of
accomplishment.
16. Learn to say no and mean it. It
is natural for children—especially teenagers—to test the
limits and challenge their parents’ authority. Despite the
child’s protests, a parent’s most loving act is often to
stand firm and prohibit the child’s participation in a
potentially hurtful activity.
17. Know where your children are,
what they are doing, and with whom. Adults need to communicate in
countless ways that we care about children and that we expect the
best from them, but also that we take seriously our responsibility to
establish standards and to monitor, chaperone, and supervise. At the
risk of being perceived as “old fashioned,” insist on
meeting your children’s friends and their parents.
18. Refuse to cover for your
children or make excuses for their inappropriate behavior. Shielding
children and youth from the logical consequences of their actions
fails to teach them personal responsibility. It also undermines
social customs and laws by giving them the impression that they are
somehow exempt from the regulations that govern others’
behavior.
19. Know what television shows,
videos, and movies your children are watching. While there are some
very fine materials available, a proliferation of pornographic and
hate-filled information is easily accessible to our youth. By word
and example, teach your children responsible viewing habits. If you
learn that your child has viewed something objectionable, candidly
share your feelings and discuss why the material offends your
family’s values.
20. Remember that you are the
adult! Children don’t need another buddy, but they desperately
need a parent who cares enough to set and enforce appropriate limits
for their behavior. Sometimes being able to say, “My dad
won’t let me” provides a convenient escape for a youth who
really didn’t want to participate in a questionable
activity.
Dr. Helen LeGette, former
Associate Superintendent, Burlington City Schools, Burlington,
NC
Adapted from Parent, Kids, &
Character by Helen LeGette. Chapel Hill: Character Development
Publishing, 1999. Reprinted with permission.
"Don't worry that children never listen to you;
Worry that they are always watching you."
-Robert Fulghum
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