ENGLISH LANGUAGE ARTS RESOURCES
ENGLISH LANGUAGE ARTS RESOURCESELIMINATE THE UNNECESSARY
Planning Points
Approximate Time Needed: 20-30 minutes for Day 1; 5-10 minutes for Days 2 and 3
Lesson Objectives:
- Students will learn to eliminate unnecessary words and combine sentences
- Students will learn to omit "empty" words
- Students will learn how to reduce wordy phrases
Materials Needed:
For Day 1, individual words written on index cards or printed on a computer; tape
For Day 2, overhead transparency of sample paragraph
For Day 3, overhead transparency or chart paper
Description
Day 1
The teacher puts each word and punctuation mark in the sentences below on an index card and tapes them on the wall.* Working in groups, students are instructed to reduce the wording of the paragraph, keeping what is essential and taking away what is repetitive and unneeded. As students discuss what to remove, a group secretary records the new sentences on paper.
Each group counts the number of words left in their revision. The group with the least number of words is asked to choose a representative to come to the wall. First, the representative explains what the group noticed about the paragraph-what was unnecessary and unneeded. For example, she might say, "The writer repeats the word noise in every sentence." Then, the representative removes index cards and punctuation, revealing their revision.
* The teacher may want each group to have their own set of index cards. These can be taped to the wall in the corners of the room as students enter the class. Also, the teacher may choose to not include punctuation marks and instead let students add those with sticky notes.
When the human mind is made to work harder than normal because of things out of its control, the result is stress. One such example of the mind working because of things out of its control is noise. Noise is everywhere we go, and is something we can never seem to get away from. Noise is found at home, in school, at work, and everywhere in public. Excessive and continuous noise causes our minds to work much, much harder than necessary, and this is the cause of a lot of stress.
After completing the revision activity, students should apply what they have learned to their own writing. The teacher can either: 1- take up a draft the day before this activity and put a box around two or three places where the student can easily eliminate unnecessary words and combine sentences or 2- have the students select a section or sections of their own writing, put a box around them, and revise. These revisions can be completed in class or for homework. Honor the revision process by allowing several volunteers to write their original sentence and then their revised sentence or sentences on the overhead or board. Have the student and/or the class verbalize how the writer eliminated unnecessary words.
Day 2
1. The teacher puts the following paragraph on an overhead transparency. Students are asked if they can figure out a pattern in the piece of writing. (The teacher may want to underline the word Well and tell the students that this word is part of the pattern.)
2. Either individually or in pairs ask students to revise the writing. Ask for volunteers to read one of their new sentences. On the overhead, write the revision above the original.
My Trip to the Mall Well, I went to the mall to buy some stuff, and I bought a lot. When I got home, I showed my Mom my things. She said they looked neat. I decided, although it was a bunch, I didn't really like it. Anyway, it was okay.
After completing this activity, students should exchange papers and color-code "empty words" in a peer's paper. When the writer receives his edited paper, he should state at the top of the paper how many words he is going to change. (I would give a minimum number, and if a student says he doesn't have that many to revise, I would highlight several for him). The student should write the revisions on the draft.
Day 3
The teacher puts the following list of wordy phrases on the overhead or sentence strips that can be posted in the classroom. Students are asked to revise them in the right-hand column.
Before writing student revisions, ask who reduced the phrase to the least number of words. When appropriate ask for examples of three words, two words, one word. Write these down so students can see how to "cut" and then cut some more. Ask a student who volunteers and gives an effective revision to write it on a sentence strip. Post these in the classroom beside the original phrases for future reference.
Phrases that are wordy or have too many words in them
One type of people ______________
There are a lot ______________
A lot of students ______________
This day and time ______________
In today's schools ______________
Today's society ______________
Teenagers nowadays ______________
In my opinion, stress is inevitable ______________
Due to the fact that ______________
For the purpose of ______________
Past history ______________
Alone by myself ______________
A bunch of parents _______________
Ask students to find, circle, and revise wordy phrases in their own writing. If anyone finds a phrase not listed above, add it.
Assessment
On the rubric, give credit for students completing the activities above. Have a separate section that assesses the
quality of their revisions.
Points Possible then Points Earned
_____ / _____ a draft has a box around sentences for revision; on that draft or a separate sheet of paper the revisions are written
_____ / _____ a draft has "empty words" color-coded; these revisions are clearly written near the originals
_____ / _____ a draft has wordy phrases circled; these are revised above the original
Teacher's Notes
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